Mescaline is something I only did a few times. I imagine I only did it a few times because it was so hard to come by. For those of you that don't know, mescaline is also referred to as micro-dots. It's a wild drug for a wild mind.

I believe it was a thursday...the baseball team was on a road trip and I was stuck in the apartment with a bad foot injury. As I sit there sinking into the couch wasting yet again another beautiful day, I hear a knock at my door. It's my old roommate, Mike. He walks in with this big shit eating grin on his face. He said he had something new for us to try out. I, of course, was very interested. If I had only known what was going to happen later that day...I might have told Mike to go back home.

After sitting on the couch for probably only a second or two, Mike then began explaining to me all about mescaline. He explained how it works and tried comparing it to mellow acid as far as the visuals go. He then proceeded to tell me that he had already snorted one and swallowed one. So, I of course had to top that. I swallowed two and snorted two. I guess Mike felt the need to be on the same level as me so he swallowed two more.

After roughly thirty minutes I started to feel a body buzz like I had never felt before. It was kind of like being drunk, but not exactly. It was kind of like being on acid, but not exactly. Whatever this new feeling was that my body was experiencing was something I felt extremely comfortable with. If you thought acid and shrooms made you laugh a lot you've never experienced anything yet. Mescaline makes you laugh to the point where your stomach and face both lock up and begin to hurt but there's nothing you can do about it except laugh harder.

A couple hours into our trip my phone began to ring. Guess who? It's my father...and guess where he is? Oh, he's only staying in a hotel room four miles away. He came up to surprise me. YES, THIS WAS A HUGE SURPRISE! "Hey, Tanner, it's your dad. I wanted to know if you would like to meet me for an early dinner?" Meet for an early dinner?!?! Oh sweet Jesus. How the hell am I going to get through this? I can't say no because if I did he would come straight to the apartment for sure. If I do meet up with him I could blow my cover. Yes, at this point I was in 007 mode. Where can we meet up to at that's dark? How I managed to pull Outback Steakhouse out of my ass is beyond me. It's the perfect setting for dilated pupils.

He got there before me and was already sitting at a table. I sat down trying to milk my leg injury the best I could so maybe it would take some of the focus away from my eyes and face. So, here comes out waitress. "Are you gentleman ready to order?" I thought to myself, "eat?...is she fucking kidding me?....there's no way in hell I could eat anything right now." I ended up ordering the first thing that came to mind.....cheese fries. My dad said we'd share them cause neither of us were very hungry....me for obvious reasons stated above. The conversation was dull because all I talked about was my leg. At this point in the trip it became harder and harder to focus on anything. My senses were off the charts. You can literally hear a mouse fart from a thousand yards away on mescaline. I could hear all the conversations taking place around us....not to mention I was also hallucinating.

As soon as the cheese fries got to the table my dad began to dig in. I, however, wasn't having an easy time. The cheese fries looked like snakes and eels. When I finally got the nerve to eat I had to look away from the plate to grab the fries. This was horrible. Here I am tripping balls trying to eat god damn cheese flavored snakes and eels with my father. I consider this a child's worst nightmare.

Believe it or not, my dad never suspected a thing. Somehow through all my random babble and odd table behavior, I made it through the dinner from hell. He asked if I wanted to go back to his hotel room for a while to hang out and watch a movie or something. I then came up with some bullshit excuse why I couldn't go. We then parted our separate ways and left.

I walk into the front door of my apartment to find Mike pacing back and fourth chain smoking around my living room. He had been frantically waiting for my arrival. He couldn't believe I didn't get caught. The entire time I was gone he was freaking out. He said he was worried my dad would catch me and that he would have to spent the next eight to ten hours of this trip alone. I could see how someone would go mad being alone on mescaline. It's the ultimate mind fuck.

After getting settled back in the laughing began happening again. I described how people looked in the restaurant. How the food looked. How I could hear EVERYTHING going on in the restaurant.

I don't really do drugs anymore. I can count on one hand how many times I've smoked pot in the past three years or so. But, I would consider doing mescaline again. That's the most complex and fun drug I have ever done.