I remember being mesmerized by Steven Spielbergs classic movie ET as were my children who were quite young at the time. The extra terrestrial creatures need to go home was the main theme of the film and the impediments to its being able to accomplish that end result were more than frustrating to the audienceas it was intended. In addition to frustration, the audience experienced sadness, fear, humor, anxiety, victory and happiness. It dealt with people not being able to deal with the truth or realityespecially the adults who were set in their ways and unable to see life through the eyes of a child.

The real plot of the film for me was dealing with rejection and loss. It was very difficult for the main character in the filmthe young boyto let ET go but yet he wanted what was best for him at the same time. I always waited for a sequel to that movie but it never came to pass.

How many times have you had to deal with similar situationsperhaps not with an ET but with other people or episodes in your life? The passing of a loved one or your child leaving home creating an empty nest syndrome are painful experiences for most of us. We tend to want things to remain the same so that we wont have to go through any pain but life goes on and pain is as much a part of life as is joy. That empty feeling is something that those of us whove experienced such things will never forget. Change is usually something that is very difficult for people to accept. When change is associated with loss, it becomes excruciatingly overwhelming.

I remember a teachera science teacherwho said that until we can come to accept that life is filled with the pain of lossthat death is as important to life as birth iswere always going to struggle with those concepts and feelings. I have a mentor by the name of Milton Erickson who suggested that were dying from the day were born. His secret to dealing with death was to always have something to which to look forward. In fact, when he was dying, he was looking forward to teaching a class at the University in Scottsdale, Arizona the following week. He wasnt avoiding his demise. Actually, he was someone who always embraced reality as a result of his having contracted polio from a very early age leaving him somewhat incapacitated. What he was doing was simply focusing on something elsesomething that helped his mind to entertain and celebrate life.

And so, we cant really go home if going home means wanting things to remain the same. Life goes on in its own fashionat its own paceand we cant control it. But we can do is learn how to relish the good times while keeping in mind that the good times that weve already experienced are golden but the good times that are about to come are beyond category.

Charles Bonasera

Charles M. Bonasera had been a practicing psychotherapist since 1962 and has served as a Consultant, Mediator, Author and Workshop Presenter since 2003. Based on years of extensive research he became a Stress Management expert and founded/ directed the Stress Management Center which evaluated and treated stress-related problems. As President of Personal Identity Controls, he developed and produced a number of interactive materials on various stress-related topics to enable people to take greater control their lives.Charles produced the CD/workbook entitled “Guide To A Life Management Process” which helps people recognize and manage their stress more effectively. His Workshops and consultations with businesses, corporations and schools, stresses the recognition that our greatest resource is people and treating them with dignity and respect promotes productivity. His role as a keynote speaker mixes his professional wisdom with practical solutions and a sense of humor.

Based on his previous experience as an evaluator of learning disabilities, he began rendering Workshops to school districts in 1995. His goal was to help educators recognize the importance of incorporating principles of mental health in the classroom. His Workshop and Consulting roles dealt with issues such as anger and stress management, developing reasonable expectations, belligerent behavior, case study workshops, parent-teacher relationships, reducing anxiety to facilitate the learning process, problem solving techniques and the practical components of healthy, happy relationships. Many of these same topics were incorporated into general audience workshops as well.

Charles’ methods center around helping people develop “alternative ways to happiness.” His problem-solving techniques are practical and interactive enabling people to make their own choices in their own individual style and time-frame.. His approach clearly embodies the philosophy that “the greatest learning we experience is when we don’t know we’re learning and are having fun” and that learning is both an intellectual and emotional process.