The more I practice centering, the more I realize that as important as it is to be able to identify and access the centered state, it is equally important to be able to know when I'm NOT centered. Otherwise, how do I choose?

When I'm centered I'm in control of my behavior. Centered action is on purpose and by choice. Uncentered action is reactive and out of control, and I end up looking back with regret.

I've spent a lot of time figuring out my personal symptoms of uncenteredness. Physically, my legs tense and knees lock; my jaw locks, my throat closes, and I stop breathing.

Mental and emotional symptoms vary, but I can become self-righteous, depressed, and very self-critical. Without warning, these reactive responses combine into a mind/body state that is powerful enough to overcome all my good intentions and noble purposes.

When something happens that triggers these physical and emotional states, I increasingly notice them at earlier stages. I can then ask myself if I want to go where they will carry me. Sometimes it's a difficult choice. These reactions are "practiced" and seductive. To choose to be centered means to integrate that energy in some new and more useful way in which I'm not as practiced.

This kind of awareness is learned and developed. And, speaking from experience, it can be done. Here's my path, and I urge you to add to it:

INTENTION. Have a clear intention to develop control over your reactive state.

DISCOVERY. Begin to notice your symptoms. The next time you start to "lose it," become active in that process and make a different choice.

JUST DO IT. (Thank you, Nike.) Breathe, relax, or play a mental tape that helps you get centered. Visualize your "happy place," as one of my clients puts it.

DISCIPLINE. Don't settle for letting yourself be hijacked by your reactions. When you do "lose it" - use it. Go back in your mind's eye, and ask how the situation might have played out had you been centered. It's a great way to reinforce what you want to do next time.

You have more power than you think. Know what you want for your life and go get it.

Judy Ringer

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help organizations manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a positive work environment.

The author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, Ringer provides training throughout the U.S. and Canada with unique workshops based on mind/body principles from the martial art aikido, in which she holds a black belt. In addition, she uses her expertise in several best practice communication models to bring to life key concepts such as self-management under pressure and appreciation of other viewpoints. Her programs are interactive, experiential and energetic.

Clients include Maine Medical Center, The National Institutes of Health, BAE Systems, Sony Corporation, Honda of America Manufacturing, Bose Corporation, Maine General Health, The American Red Cross, The National Education Association, and the States of New Hampshire and Vermont.

She has written numerous articles on the relevance and application of the aikido metaphor to conflict and communication, including articles for Aikido Today Magazine and The Systems Thinker. She is the author of two newsletters, including the award-winning Ki Moments, and the book, Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict.

Ringer is also chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH. She can be reached at judy@judyringer.com.