"There is a desire within each of us, in the deep center of ourselves that we call our heartOur true identity, our reason for being, is to be found in this desire."
Gerald May, The Awakened Heart

With a New Year, many of us turn our thoughts to the things that could be "new" in our lives. Some would say, "I am going to turn over a new leaf!" (Whatever that might mean?) Another year often brings thoughts of hope, dreams for a better year, or a yearning to see our dreams fulfilled.

What about you? What would you "wish" for? Maybe you would like to leave behind those things that have not satisfied your heart's thirst. There is that nagging feeling there could be "something more." Such restlessness can be a "flag" that there IS something more! If we are to meet God, we must go back into our desires and find that life waits for us, the life we have been searching for. We don't need to accept things "the way they are." God has better plans!

We instinctively know that God's plans for us are bigger and more meaningful than plans we could make. He is "in the business" of giving us dreams and helping to fulfill those dreams. Such dreams say that we are important, and that there is a purpose for our lives.

Sometimes we find a new direction in our life because of definite goals we have set, or because what we have been doing gradually evolved into something else. And sometimes change, or the desire for change, comes upon us suddenly, like a defining moment or revelation. Such is the case with Catriona. She experienced a major change in her life. She explains:

"One of my friends said, 'There could be no other way that I could have ended up where I am today except for the journey I have taken!' I went into science and specialized in science very early on in high school. While an undergrad in university, I was in immunology. I got my undergrad degree from the University of Glasgow. Then I went to Basel Switzerland and started a Ph.D. I was there for two years until the lab I was involved in moved to London.

"After that I went to Gambia in West Africa for six months doing a small malaria project. I thought about staying, but I had a post-doctoral fellowship at Yale and moved to New England. I hadn't been going to church as a student, having grown up going to church but drifting away in college. I started going in New Haven and got more and more involved. I felt an increasing discomfort. I was exploring my faith more, but I couldn't talk about it in the lab. I also couldn't talk about science at church.

"I was going on a retreat with people from church and had this book to read: Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction by Margaret Guenther. As I was reading the book, a wave of realization hit me that I would be in ministry. All of a sudden I knew. It was something outside of me. Going to the moon would have been more likely because it was scientific!

"You can look at a call in different ways. I had been working away in a lab, but had a general feeling of restlessness. I couldn't imagine doing it for the rest of my life. It just didn't hit the spot! I was very shocked, but others weren't. My pastor wasn't surprised. From that minute on I knew I would leave the lab and enter ministry.

"It took some time to say I would go to seminary. Someone in church suggested while I was waiting I could maybe do some family therapy classes at Southern Connecticut State University. When I left the lab, I felt like a fish out of water. I was learning a whole new 'language!' After a couple of years, I did start at Andover-Newton Theological School in Massachusetts. I still couldn't imagine being a pastor.

"Looking back my family all thought I was crazy: 'Why are you giving up such a good job?' But my great, great grandmother lived in the Scottish Highlands and local ministers would come and talk theology in Gaelic with her. And church was always meaningful to me as a child.

"My journey has been important and I wouldn't have it any other way today, in spite of the obstacles and challenges. I never would have imagined the joy in my work. Listen closely to where God is leading you and to what is deep in your heart. You will find untold joy."

I have heard Catriona speak and I related to her that she is in the right place! She was ordained as a minister two years ago, and now serves as an associate pastor at a church in New Hampshire. She also works with the senior high school group. She has come a long way geographically from her birth in Papua, New Guinea, living in Perth, West Australia for a time, and growing up in Scotland. And she has come a long way from working in a lab to ministering to the hearts of others. I wish her God's best always in her new setting!

May you, as Catriona wisely advised, listen for God's call and follow your heart's deepest desires. Pay attention to a "God nudge" you might be feeling, which often does start with a restlessness and a seed desire springing up within. That desire is something to consider. Ask yourself if you think it is from God? Where could He be leading you in this New Year? Dare to find out! May it be a year of adventure, new dreams, and even a few surprises.

Happy dream journey,

Judy Peterson

Copyright 2006 - Judy Peterson. All Rights Reserved.